‘In December, one of my best friends in Washington state had a roommate who was about nineteen. Nineteen is an age when things can be turbulent for some people. After Christmas, I went to visit them for about a couple months. In fact, I just got back to Utah and I just heard that his roommate committed suicide. It was really troubling because I now wonder how responsible I might have been for that. Considering all the things I said to him that were meaningful or meaningless and how much that might have impacted him or his choices leaves me to wonder what role I might have had in his death. He was talking about wanting to get off of his medications and, off-handedly, I remember asking ‘do you think you’re strong enough to do that?’ I wanted to help him but I’m pretty sure I wasn’t in the right place to ask or to suggest that.
I’ve lost friends to suicide before and this loss is forcing me to be more cautious and sensitive about what I do and say in my life. I think he was on the threshold as it was, but to hear that he’s gone now was way too soon for me. I really wanted to get to know him a little more. In hindsight, if he were here, I would have said and done more to understand him. I would definitely prefer to have had more time with him. We really need to share what we feel, not hold back. We need to say those important things while they’re here. I should have said more to him while he was here. I miss his really loud laugh. He had such a laugh that you’d almost never know he was in trouble.’