‘I suffer from depression, bipolar disorder, anxieties of all sorts, and multiple personality disorder. I’m hoping to let people know that these illnesses are not a joke and that they need to understand the seriousness of these illnesses and the struggles that come with them. I have no idea where they came from. My adoptive parents have told me that my birth mother did drugs and drank alcohol while I was in the womb. My birth father is in prison. I didn’t know what to say or feel when I was told these things. I only know I wouldn’t be who I am if all the things that have happened to me had not happened.
I’ve had a great boyfriend for a little over two years and he’s helped me through more episodes than I can count. Most people who have been diagnosed with bi-polar disorder struggle with depression or sadness. Mine is more anger-related. When I cry, I can either just be sad or I can be crying enough because I’m so angry. There’s a real bottled-up anger feeling. Sometimes, I get so stressed out that I think I can’t do anything and that’s where my low self-esteem comes in. My boyfriend is not a mom, but he calms me down like a mother could.
Previous boyfriends have tried to help with the breakdowns but the man in my life doesn’t add stress like they did. I knew they were trying to help but they just couldn’t understand why the breakdowns were happening. I’ve explained to my boyfriend that if I start to fall apart, I want him to hold me down, hug me, and do whatever it takes to help me calm down. I’ve almost hit him in the face a few times and, thankfully, he knows how to block me. He’ll take me from behind and we’ll ride it out together. Because of him, I’m slowly finding peace. He’s even enabled me to cry myself to sleep in his arms when no one else has ever been able to do that.’