‘I came out in high school and I’ve grown up Mormon my entire life. I came out as gay because I didn’t want to be held to the expectation that I would go on a mission. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to go. It was more that I knew the importance of the temple covenants and I had a great understanding of my sexuality. As a gay man, making those temple covenants wouldn’t be the wisest choice because I knew I’d break them. So, for the past four years, I’ve been dating. I’ve had great friends and I have great family. I still believe in the Mormon church even if I’m not active.
In a previous long-term relationship, I started noticing women. It was innocent. I realized I wasn’t as afraid of girls as I thought I was. I think women in the church are portrayed as the pinnacle of purity and that they aren’t supposed to be touched. In a very real way, that plays into my sexuality in that I’m gay, I like men, and I can’t touch a woman.
I took an anatomy class at the University of Utah and found out that female anatomy wasn’t scary. I had never known anything about it or thought I could have a reason to try to understand it. I noticed that I can and do like girls somewhat and I voiced that to my significant other at the time and he brushed it off. He said I couldn’t be bisexual because I’d never had any experience with women.
Since that relationship, I’ve been single and I’ve thought about dating girls but now I’m afraid to because I’ve come out as gay to my family and friends and they’ve accepted me with open arms which has been really amazing. If I came out as bisexual, I’m afraid of a backlash and disappointment because they might think, even though I like men, I could have chosen a woman and I think they’ll be disappointed because I happen to like men more than women. I guess I don’t want to hear someone tell me I could have tried harder to be something I might not really be just because of a little attraction to women.’