‘My husband and I were married in December of 2005 and we’d talked about having kids right away. By March of 2006, I found out I was pregnant. We were so excited and nervous at the same time. I was nineteen and still pretty young. When I went in for my first doctor visit, they couldn’t find a heartbeat. Two weeks later, I went back and there was still no heartbeat. The doctor said to give it one more week and even then, there was still no heartbeat.
We went to the hospital and there was a new song called ‘I’ll Praise You in the Storms’ by Casting Crowns playing. So, I knew we were about to get bad news. The doctor told me I had a molar pregnancy where conception happens but nothing else does. I could have gone the whole nine months and the baby wouldn’t have continued to grow. Because my body wasn’t recognizing that anything was wrong, I wouldn’t actually have a miscarriage on my own. So, we set up the appointment to have everything removed and, the night before that, my water broke and I did have a miscarriage on my own. I just didn’t know that that’s what it was.
We got to the hospital and when I explained what was going on, the nurse was very blunt and almost rude as she told me, ‘you’re having a miscarriage.’ They ended up taking everything out because a molar pregnancy can lead to cervical cancer and we were told to wait a year before trying to get pregnant again. So, two years later, we had our daughter, Shaylee and then, eighteen months later, we had Aleah. She was a surprise. If we had had our first child and then Shaylee, we might never have had Aleah because we only wanted two children and I can’t imagine my life without either of them.
Sometime after the miscarriage, I heard a song called ‘It Is Well with My Soul.’ I don’t know who wrote it…I can never remember who wrote it but the man who wrote it had just lost his entire family and God told him, ‘I know you’ve lost everything, but I’ve got your back.’ For me, the miscarriage was a terrible loss, but I have the reassurance that God is watching over me and my family. My church family at the Brigham City Bible Church rallied around me and my family. They let me cry when I needed to…they let me sit in silence when I needed to. My husband held me when I needed to be held and, even though we haven’t talked about it much lately, we have held on to our faith and we’ve been reminded over and over again that God never leaves us or gives us more than we can handle. No matter how hard it was, we are still very fortunate and lucky to have the family we do.’