‘From the time that he was little and because he liked to play with girls’ toys and dress up as a girl, I suspected that my son was gay. He would even tell me that he wished he was a girl when he was five. As his mother, I never wondered if it was me. His father struggled with it but took it very well when he finally told us he’s gay. We even joked about it because it really wasn’t a surprise. In fact, when he first told me, I started laughing. I laugh when I’m uncomfortable and I felt terrible at that moment because here he was, telling me something so personal, and I just didn’t know how else to react. I was more devastated that he’d told my sister first rather than me because we were and are so close.
I didn’t grow up as a member of the LDS Church. I joined when I was younger and none of my family are members. I have very liberal parents and so I have a very liberal point of view. It took me a long time, maybe three or four years, as a member of the church, to come to a sense of peace when it comes to being an active member of the church and having a gay son. I wondered, ‘why does this happen if it’s not supposed to happen?’ I realized that I don’t have to understand everything and I decided that I don’t need to understand why. My only job as my son’s mother is to love him, to support him, and to be there for him.
We have a great relationship. Living apart from one another has been hard because we don’t get to see each other all the time. We still have fun. He makes me laugh and he makes me blush. He’s not afraid to share the details of his life with me. I think that’s the basis of a good mother-child relationship. It’s not my job to judge him. I’m his mother and I love him. I need and love my church but I had to come to an acceptance. I leave all my questions up to God. I can’t take upon myself those questions about what’s right or wrong. I don’t want that responsibility. I have made my peace and I’ve made up my mind that I can keep myself and my faith and I can also defend and love my son. I can look at all my children and see how strong they are. They’re not afraid to stand up for what they think and what they believe even if we can’t always agree.
Sometimes, when I’m talking to people in my ward, the subject of my son being gay comes up. We have to face the fact that we are not going to agree, not just about gay and LDS issues, but about so many things. Life is not easy and we worry about so many things. I’m proud that my son has become more relaxed and is finding out who he is and I want him to embrace that. I want him to love himself and to love who he is and he’s been able to do that. I think it’s important to remember that, on any given issue, we should try to be at peace with each other even if we don’t always agree.’